baby i'm just soggy from the chemo, countin' down the days to go

About Me

what is it? you ask, i ask, they ask, we ask. what is it that darkens the doorway to the way i view my future? Why? i surely dont know.... though i have suggestions of my own. first let me give you all insight on my personality: i am an essentially selfish deplorable creature. i am slightly narcicistic and i am usually concerned only about how something will affect my future and my success. but that is what we have been programmed to think about, right? " work hard, work long, work well. Study and gain the knowledge of how to not drown in our current society. do what you must to gain their trust, give to recive in the end. Go to college, get your masters, get a job, get married, have children, rear them to live in their new society, hope they turn out for the best, and then die." Funny thing to me though: i actually live by most of these standards. DO THEY WORK?
for me? yes i suppose, for now. but what about my fear of not being ready to be thrust forward into society? What if i dont succeed? What if i drown in the amount of people that want to be what i aspire to be? what if my being a theatre junkie isn't what i should be? the dark prospect of trying to survive in this society that i have no control over. WE ARE SHOWING THE SIGNS OF A DEPRESSION PEOPLE, WAKE UP!!! im floundering in this dark prospect... im so small.... how can i fix the world?

and then im expected to believe in something higher than myself, a higher power that supposedly has control of my life? we only have so many years here on earth and then we are released into eternal utopia? the earth will be here for much longer than my apparent lifetime... what if i want to spend more time on it? Is it even possible, with children being concieved and born at an alarming rate for the earth's compassity, for a new soul to be created every single time? a completely new, original, unique soul to be concieved everytime? can there be that many? It doesn't seem plausible to me....... what about you? Maybe i just dont have enough imagination to accept that someone..no..excuse me...something... out there controlling me, what i do, set down a purpose for me... or maybe its the idea of someone loving me unconditionally..... i dont know... im prolly full of shit anyway ♥kisses♥

My Interests

musicis my life, death pain pleasure and obsession

Music

all music except hip hop and r&b. it confuses me

Movies

SWEENEY TODD!!!!!!!!!

Television

i dont really watch t.v.

Books

romance, horror, just because i'm a virgin doesn't mean romance books don't rock, the twilight saga, harry potter, the house of mirth, the age of innocence, the host.